


Your Boyfriend's A Snack

by Laurasauras



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Extremely Dubious Consent, Gangbang, Hypnotism, Incest, John Egbert's unhealthy coping mechanisms, M/M, Multi, Self-cest, Sex Toys, Sex Toys Under Clothing, Vampire Bites, Vampire Sex, Vampires, pack mentality, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 06:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16034552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: Dirk and John have been dating for over a year, but John still hasn't met Dirk's family. This is why.MIND THE TAGS.





	Your Boyfriend's A Snack

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Symachromatic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symachromatic/gifts).



> Done as a Halloween treat for Sym on the BroJohn server. Thanks to everyone for their encouragement and edits!

You get home from a long weekend at your dad's house, feeling so glad to be back. You love your dad, but there's something very special about the modest apartment that you and Dirk have made your own. It's easy, a comfort that's been building for over a year of dating. You can be quiet together. It's nice.

Dirk isn't around when you get home, which is expected but still a bit disappointing. You've missed him a lot over the last four days. Last time you went to your dad's you took him along, but this time he had to work. Even though your dad was obviously glad to have some quality Egbert time, he seemed disheartened by the fact that you didn't bring Dirk. Which was nice! You like that they get along. The fact that you still haven't met or even spoken to Dirk’s family kind of stings, but they live far enough away that you understand.

Glancing at the clock in the kitchen, you calculate how long you have to wait before Dirk gets home. It's two hours before the end of his shift, but he often gets carried away and isn't back until later. Hopefully he remembers to get out on time just for you, but you know that he really can't help how consumed he gets in his work.

Thinking about how long you still have to go until you can see him makes you very conscious of the fact that you haven't so much as kissed your boyfriend in way too long. You can't wait. You _really_ can't wait. You would visit him at work if you didn't know he would agonise over that way too much.

No, instead you're just gonna make it so the second he gets home, he can ravish you right on the doormat.

You walk to your room and heft your suitcase into the corner to be dealt with later. You open the drawer that is known fondly as "the sex drawer" and nudge various toys aside before you find the one you want. It's a tapered plug with a remote control; something that you kind of need out of a toy. Dirk's better on the butt side of things than you. You need a bit of something to get into it.

You throw it onto the bed with lube and start stripping off, chucking clothes everywhere in your excitement. You'll put them in the proper place later so Dirk doesn't murder you.

You fumble with your phone to get Dirk's ironic-but-good sex playlist up. Doing stuff in absolute silence is kinda intimidating and you share an account on the app. If Dirk's using it at work, he'll be able to see that you're logged in as well. And what you're listening to. You hope it makes him hurry home.

Completely naked and with your music in place, you climb on top of the neatly made sheets and pour a small circle of lube onto your palm. You start by stroking yourself, already half hard just from anticipation from what you're going to do, from the idea of Dirk coming home and going into one of those rare frenzies where he just fucks you until your mind explodes.

You sigh as your hand glides smoothly over your dick. You didn't risk doing this while you were at your dad's. You're 25 now, you don't need to get off every ten minutes like you did when you were a teenager. You were fine with waiting. Of course, now that you're finally touching yourself, you're questioning why you don't do it literally every second of every day. It's really nice.

You stroke yourself once more, just because you can, before squirting more lube onto your fingers and moving them to your ass. You angle your hips as well as you can, teasing at your rim. It's so much more satisfying when Dirk does it, when you don't have to choose between a relaxed arm or a relaxed back. You can't pretend that it's anything over than your fingers.

It helps a lot that you don't want to pretend otherwise; you want complete immersion in the reality of the situation. You're getting yourself ready so that Dirk can have you later. It's almost like when you first started dating and he would tell you exactly how he wanted you to get yourself off, compensating for the distance between you with his talent for dirty talk that completely evaporates when you're in the same room together.

You play with your rim for a bit, trying to replicate what Dirk does that feels so good, but it's never going to be your thing like it is his. At the very least you've spread some lube around there. It's been a few weeks since you bottomed and you're more than happy to overcompensate on that front.

You slick up the toy and grab the remote. You set it to a low vibrate before you even touch it to your hole. It feels better than your fingers immediately and you resist the urge to spike it up to a higher level.

And then you're not really sure why you're resisting. You don't need to edge yourself, you don't need to tease or look pretty. You just want it _in_ you, want it to stretch you out and make you ready. You're focused to the point of obsession on how Dirk will feel later rather than how you feel now. It's making you desperate in a way you've rarely been for ass stuff.

You're imagining him coming home early, cutting his work short because he doesn't want to wait those extra few hours when he could be seeing you sooner. Maybe he's waiting outside the door, listening to the low hum of the vibrator that is still painfully obvious even with the music playing.

The thought makes you groan and push the vibrator deeper, almost putting on a show. You have no idea why your own voice makes your hand move faster, your thumb rolling up the wheel to turn the vibration up. Your next groan comes out as a whine.

If Dirk was home, on the other side of the door, letting you get yourself ready as he watched ... Surely he'd be touching himself by now. Or maybe he'd just be leaning on the door, listening to you, letting himself get harder and harder just on your noises. He'd know what you want, that you can't wait for all this later when you just want to be as close as possible to him the second you can.

When the plug reaches its widest point and then pops into you properly, it almost surprises you. You were pushing on it out of habit, out of a need to get the vibration deeper. You'd almost forgotten there was a point to this.

You move your hand back to your dick, stroking it gently as you focus on the vibrations. You can't decide whether you want to get off or if you want to wait and let your neediness build. Your dick is pretty firmly on team orgasm though. It could be hours before Dirk gets home and you don’t know if you can cope with this that long.

You're just reaching for the lube again when you hear a knock at the door. Considering Dirk would rather break in than knock if he forgot his keys, you know it's not him.

You can't answer the door like this, that'd be insane.

The knock happens again. And it doesn't stop. It's just a sustained, even banging. How do they even know you're home?

You slide the vibration dial down to zero and push yourself off the bed, only partially managing to ignore the shift of the toy inside you. The banging still isn't stopping. You really don't feel like you have enough brain power at the moment to deal with this problem.

You lurch into the bathroom and run the tap, washing your hands hurriedly and then tipping your head under as well, hopefully helping with the flush on your cheeks. You grab a towel and wrap it around your waist. You’re lucky that Dirk splurged and got thick, fluffy towels, or you would absolutely be able to see your dick through it. As it is, you probably still can, but only if you look for it. Which should not be a sexy thought!

This is the dumbest idea you've ever had, but you're hoping it's good enough for the Jehovah's Witnesses or whoever the fuck it is. It would have been nice if the knocking had stopped while you made your flimsy disguise. It didn’t.

You go to the door, holding the towel tight on your hip. The water dripping onto your chest is so cold it's distracting, but it actually helps with the whole boner situation. You take a deep breath and open the door with an apologetic smile.

The two men on the other side stare at you with very interested expressions. The taller one looks you up and down in a rather obvious way. The smaller one grins wolfishly. Everything from their hair to their shades to their appalling dress sense tells you exactly who they are. Dirk's family. And you're _so_ naked.

'Um ...' you say, 'I was in the shower?'

' _Were_ you?' the smaller one purrs.

The taller one smacks him on the back of the head and holds out his hand in one smooth motion.

'I'm Bro,' he says. 'This is Hal. I take it you're the reason Dirk hasn't been in touch as often as he should.'

You grip the towel even tighter as you shake his hand. You're _really_ glad you washed your hands. Like ... really glad.

'John,' you say. 'Um, come in! I just ... should get dressed.'

'Aw,' Hal says, pouting his lips. Bro smacks him again.

You open the door and then close it after them. They look around curiously. You decide to leave them to it and go back to your room to put something on that is actually clothes.

Now, here you have a dilemma. Because getting dressed doesn't take long. Removing a butt plug, especially from a butt that is suddenly _tense_ does. But ... you gotta. But you _can't_.

After wasting a risky number of seconds dithering, you just chuck your clothes on. You can manage this. Dirk's been testing the waters of your willingness to go out in public with toys anyway. You might as well start in your home. You really wish it wasn't with his family.

Wearing a plug with underwear is very different to wearing one lying on a bed. Wearing one with jeans is different again. You're so on edge, but you've already spent enough time getting ready. _Why_ is this your first meeting with your first serious boyfriend's family?

They look up at you exactly in sync from opposite sides of the room when you come back out. Hal puts down Dirk's laptop and Bro straightens from where he was looking at one of the few photos Dirk has let you put up of the two of you.

'Hey,' you say again, just because you have to say _something_. Bro and Hal evidently don't feel the same pressure to communicate.

They just stare at you.

'Can I get you something to eat or drink?' you say, walking past them to the kitchen.

Hal laughs behind you, but when you look back, he's stopped and his face is wearing almost the same neutral expression that Dirk favours. Just … more mischievous.

'What are you offerin'?' Bro asks, following you.

'Coffee? Um ... I don't know what we have in. I've been away and Dirk's hopeless with groceries. I swear he lives off protein shakes ...'

Bro slouches against the counter, hands deep in his pockets and watches as you bend over to examine the contents of the fridge. You muffle the squeak that the shift in posture prompts with a cough, which assuredly does not help anything.

You close the fridge and straighten up. Your face feels like it's on fire and you can't even remember what's in the fridge.

Bro is looking at you with something that is _almost_ polite curiosity. It would seem that the inability to have overtly friendly expressions is a family trait.

You smile at Bro awkwardly.

'Can I have one of Dirk's shakes?' he asks.

You wish Dirk was here to ask him, but you figure this is family, so it should be fine. You grab one of the premade ones from the fridge and pass it to Bro. He maintains a very uncomfortable amount of eye contact as he sips from the straw.

'Can I get in on this?' Hal asks.

Holy shit, you didn't even hear him come in the room. You're not a fan of the way that jumping in surprise makes your butt tighten around the plug. Or maybe you are a fan of it, but the stressful situation that is this one is robbing you of the ability to enjoy it.

Bro hands the shake to Hal and he smirks around the straw as he drinks some. There's something about Hal's voice that makes everything he says sound almost sarcastic, and that smile doesn't help at all. He looks a lot like Dirk, just maybe a couple of years younger and giving off this aura of "trouble" that Dirk never has.

There is no way that Hal needs to move his mouth on the straw that much.

Suddenly, Hal and Bro both look towards the door in another one of those eerily timed movements. You frown in confusion before you hear it too; Dirk's home.

You smile at them and lead the way back to the lounge so you can meet Dirk at the door. It's not something you tend to do, but waiting in awkward silence as Hal sucks on the straw is not an enticing alternative. He’s really … working it.

You launch yourself into Dirk's arms the second he's through the door and he drops his work bag carelessly so he can return the hug.

'Your family's here,' you whisper into his ear.

'Yeah,' Dirk says. 'I ... saw the car. You okay?'

'Yes! I just missed you!'

'I missed you too.'

He kisses your temple and gives you one last squeeze before letting you go. You take the hint and step back. He looks at you with concern for a moment before turning to his family. Brothers? You didn't ask.

'Sup?' Dirk says.

'What, no hug for us?' Hal asks.

Bro grins beside him and then plucks the shake out of Hal's hand so that he can suck at it, the straw making an obnoxious noise like it's basically empty.

Dirk rolls his eyes but walks to them, giving first Hal and then Bro the most awkward one armed hugs you've ever seen.

'So, you were just in the neighbourhood or something?' Dirk says.

'Nope,' Bro says, popping the 'p'. 'We came just for you. Been too long. Got us worried you were up to no good.'

Hal grins. You thought you'd gotten used to the fact that Dirk's teeth are a bit pointier than most people's, but it's very different on someone you don't know.

'Turns out you've settled down. Didn't see that one coming, did we Bro?'

Bro shakes his head solemnly.

Dirk sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

'Can we ... sit down or something? I assume you're wanting to stick around for a while.'

You knew that they all looked similar before Dirk got home, but with him standing between them and punching them affectionately for drinking his shake, you can see how they fit together. There's something very matchy about the way that they move.

You're very glad when Dirk sits close to you, leaving the other two on the other couch. You don't think you could handle feeling on the outside of this.

Which is dumb! You've wanted to meet his family for so long now! You've mentioned that you would even skype them or talk to them on the phone, but Dirk's avoided it every time, something about timezones or them being busy. And now it turns out they didn't even know about you! At least they don't seem to hate you.

Dirk rests his arm protectively around your shoulders. He always knows when you need something like this, he's so good. Of course he has no way of knowing that most of your nerves aren't from meeting his family for the first time, but from your more ... _personal_ situation.

Sitting down both makes it both easier to deal with and so much worse. On the one hand, you're not moving around as much, and those unexpected movements were killing you, but on the other, there's a constant pressure on the plug that is very distracting. Every shift in position feels a hell of a lot like you're grinding it into you and that makes you both want to stay very still and also come up with a lot of reasons to move about. Your focus might not be your strong point at the moment.

Your previous experience with this kind of thing has been limited to lying still and maybe rolling over if Dirk asked you to. You'd never even walked with a toy in you before today. What is wrong with you that you find the whole situation unbearably hot? Even the fact that the last people you would want to find out about this are the ones in the room is kinda turning you on more.

You really have to stop thinking about how very forbidden this whole thing is. You didn't even realise that was something you were interested in! But it is, and it doesn't hurt that Dirk's family, by virtue of looking so similar to Dirk himself, are exactly your type of hot.

You will not think about them finding out somehow and then just taking turns on you like you did it all for them. That's a _bad thought_ , John.

They're all talking, but you can barely focus on anything until Dirk says your name.

'Hmm?' you say.

'Dude, are you okay? You seem out of it, do you want to go lie down or something?'

'I'm fine!' you say. 'Just a bit tired from the trip.' You smile at him reassuringly.

And then kick yourself because oh god he gave you the perfect out and you didn't take it!

'You don't look tired,' Hal says. 'You look all fresh. Rosy cheeks and bright eyes. Though maybe that's from the shower.'

Dirk frowns at Hal in confusion. Bro and Hal look very amused.

'Didn't we tell you that your boy answered the door in just a towel?' Bro says. 'Hal nearly swooned.'

You blush and lean into Dirk a bit. He tightens his grip on your shoulder.

'I mean, I don't blame you, he's plenty swoonworthy,' Dirk says. 'But also, let's not kill him of embarrassment. I like having him around.'

Hal leans closer, staring at you with eyes that are so similar and yet so different to Dirk's. You're pretty sure Dirk's never looked at you like he wants to actually non-metaphorically eat you.

'Could we maybe maim him of embarrassment? You know, praise him just a bit, but no lasting injury?' Hal asks. 'Look at those cheeks, I want to bite them.'

You absolutely believe him. You widen your eyes and lean back, hoping Dirk is going to step in because you have no idea what the fuck to say to that.

Bro pulls Hal back by the scruff of his neck.

'I don't think this one's for sharing,' he says. 'You wouldn't like Dirk taking one of your toys.'

Hal lets himself be tugged backwards. The way Bro keeps his fingers near his neck makes it look like they're cuddling almost like you and Dirk. Your brain has no idea what to do with that information.

'Jesus christ,' Dirk says. 'He's not a toy, he's a person. He's my partner.'

Hal scoffs.

'That right there is why none of your relationships last,' Dirk snaps. His fingers tighten again on your shoulder, but this time you think it's from frustration, not out of comfort.

'Dirk, you're not too old to be gettin' a smack neither,' Bro says.

You blame the place your mind goes on the fact that you have a toy up your ass and haven't gotten off in four days. The image you try and suppress of Bro bending Dirk over and spanking him is ... way too distracting.

Hal leans forward again, but Bro grabs him before he can go too far. This time, he keeps his hold on his neck. He whispers something in his ear.

These men are going to kill you.

'Um! Are you staying for dinner?' you ask, just for something to say.

Hal and Bro both look at Dirk for guidance. Dirk bites his lip.

'I could run out and get a couple of extra steaks. You'd be welcome.'

See, that's how people talk to their guests, that's much better. Hal looks delighted by this, which is pretty cute. He must have been missing Dirk a whole bunch.

'We could eat,' Bro says.

It's starting to weird you out just a little bit how they keep saying "we". They're like a collective. You don't think you do that with your family. You sometimes accidentally do it with Dirk, but that's different and you get teased a whole bunch for it too.

'So, you trust us alone with your ... John?' Hal says, grinning at Dirk.

Dirk freezes, like he really doesn't. That's not a good sign. You could interpret that like he doesn't trust them not to tell you embarrassing childhood stories, but that is absolutely not the vibe you're getting. You don't know if Hal wants to sleep with you or hurt you but you're pretty sure that you don't want Dirk to leave.

There's a loaded silence, where Dirk probably should say that of course he trusts his family alone with his boyfriend, but he doesn't.

Bro coughs, and you all look at him.

'I can go get it. Be good to stretch the legs. 'Sides, we're putting you out.'

You feel Dirk relax against you. It doesn't make you feel any better. It mostly makes you think that Hal really isn't to be trusted.

Dirk stands up and you watch him go to his work bag, presumably to get his wallet. Bro follows him. Oh, cool, so you're just being left alone with Hal anyway. That's fine.

Hal grins at you with far too many teeth, but stays in his seat.

'You know, I'm funner than Dirk if you want to swap teams.'

'Dirk's fun!' you protest. Hmm, was that the right point to take issue with?

' _Really_?' Hal asks, drawing the sound out. 'I don't suppose you could tell me more.'

You have no idea what he's asking. There's part of you that is absolutely responding to his flirting. You can't help it, he's magnetic and he's so much like Dirk, just ... dangerous? It's thrilling, getting his attention.

You can hear Dirk explaining where the closest supermarket is to Bro in the other room. You can't look away from Hal's eyes.

'You know, I love my brothers,' Hal says, his voice casual. 'But I think it would be worth them being pissed at me for a few decades to just steal you away. What do you think?'

Your heart is beating hard and fast in your chest, you're not sure you can answer. You don't want to be stolen, you want Dirk to come back.

Almost like he heard your thoughts, Dirk is suddenly next to you.

'Hal,' he says warningly.

Hal grins at him evilly.

'I wouldn't have to steal him if you would just share,' he says.

'I can take a joke,' you say. Your smile feels a bit nervous, but you're finally speaking again. It's easier when Dirk is around to dilute Hal's ... Halness. Dirk bends down to kiss you on your head.

'He's not joking,' he whispers in your ear. You shiver, both at his breath against your neck and his serious tone. 'Do you want me to make him leave?'

You shake your head. That would be so bad of you to make Dirk's own brother leave just because ... he's a bit flirty. You can handle yourself. It's not like he would do anything while Dirk's around, surely.

Hal grins like he somehow heard exactly what Dirk said to you. You ignore it.

'I'm gonna make salad so it's ready when Bro gets back,' you say cheerfully. 'Let you guys catch up!'

'We can catch up in the kitchen,' Hal says. 'No reason to exclude you. I like watching.'

You wait for him to clarify that he likes watching people cook, but he doesn't. Wonderful. You stand up and almost fall into Dirk's arms when the toy shifts inside you. You forgot to compensate for it.

'Are you okay?' Dirk says.

You really should say you're feeling dizzy or something and go lie down. But you don't really like the idea of not knowing what's going on out here.

You laugh it off and say you stood up too fast. They both follow you into the kitchen.

The vegetable crisper with all the salad stuff is at the bottom of the fridge. You ... don't want to bend over like that. You're not quite sure how it would go, but you don't want to find out. You grab a chopping board and knife while you think of an excuse.

'Oh, it's a bit blunt!' you say, thumbing the edge of the extremely sharp knife you're holding. 'Dirk, could you grab the stuff out of the fridge while I sharpen this?'

Dirk gives you a bemused look and does as you say while you sharpen the knife, entirely unnecessarily. You hope it’s not bad to over-sharpen it. You wonder what Dirk thinks of your excuse; the knife is three weeks old, tops. Hal watches with interest as you drag the blade against the sharpening wand.

You start making the salad while Dirk and Hal stand next to each other by the kitchen door. For all Hal said he didn't want to exclude you, they're talking in too low a voice for you to hear them with their heads close together.

Like ... quite close together. You could never be that close to your sister; their foreheads might actually be touching and it takes a few surreptitious peeks to see that Hal's hand is resting on Dirk's hip, his arm wrapped around him.

It's weird, and it's not helping the train of thought that was started when you saw Hal and Bro's closeness. Though, to be fair, that train already approached an unsafe speed when Hal started talking about sharing you. For all that Dirk has seemed a bit cold towards his brothers, he's very close with Hal now, and he hasn't actually said that's a thing he doesn't want to happen.

Wow, brain, what a useless thought. So now when a couple of dudes don't explicitly say they don't want to have an incestuous threesome with you, that's all it takes?

Before you can beat yourself up more about reading stuff into a perfectly innocent situation, Hal catches your eye right before nipping Dirk on the earlobe.

You drop your knife in shock. Hal lets Dirk go and grins at you.

'You doing alright there?' he asks.

Dirk jumps and looks at you like he only just remembered you're in the room. You raise your eyebrows at him. He steps away from Hal and onto your other side, like you're some kind of buffer.

'Come on, Dirk,' Hal says. 'It'll be fun.'

Dirk puts his arms around your waist and leans his face into your shoulder. You like it when he cuddles you while you cook, but this is different. It's like he's hiding from Hal, just for a moment. He breathes in deeply like he wants to inhale you.

'I need to borrow John for a moment,' he says, before pulling you out of the kitchen and all the way to your bedroom.

The moment the door is closed, he presses you against it, kissing you deeply. Your noise of surprise is muffled almost entirely by his lips, by his tongue already licking into your mouth. His whole body is flush against yours, and he moves even closer, sliding his thigh in between your legs.

You groan at the pressure on your dick and the arousal that you've just barely been keeping below the surface flares up with a vengeance. You want him, you want him _now_ , you want this torture to be over, want him to fuck you until you scream.

'Shit, John,' Dirk says, pulling back. 'I missed you too.'

You grab him by the hair at the back of his neck and hold him firmly as you meet his eyes.

'There has been a butt plug in my ass for the last two hours and I think I will actually die if you don't fuck me right now.'

Dirk's eyes cloud over with desire and he kisses you again, his tongue practically fucking into your mouth. His hands move down your body to grab at your ass.

'How does it feel?' he whispers.

'I _need_ you,' you whine.

He groans and presses his leg even more firmly into your dick. The pressure makes the toy move inside you, but not enough.

'Wait, which one?'

It takes you a few seconds to puzzle out what he's asking.

'The silvery one?' you say.

He steps back, his hands up. Your eyes drop to the rather obvious erection straining against his pants before you look him in the eye again.

'Where's the remote?' he asks.

Your eyes dart to the bed before you can help it. He sees and follows your gaze. He pounces on the remote.

'Dirk ...' you say.

'This is really fucked up,' he says. 'But I think it's also too good to pass up.'

You swallow nervously. Somehow he manages to dart behind you and out of the room.

Fuck.

'Dirk!' you call after him. You have pretty obvious tent yourself, and you're not sure deep breathing is going to cover it this time. You panic for a moment before grabbing an old hoodie that's stretched with age and pull it on. It hangs just low enough.

You barely walk into the hallway before the vibration starts.

You catch yourself on the wall when your knees go weak, but it's a close thing. Oh, he's evil. You really love him and he's evil. You might love him more for this, even though it's incredibly out of character.

Dirk's the guy who refused to even kiss you after you'd drunk so much as a single beer for the first two months you were together, who made you sit down and have a very uncomfortable conversation before you had sex for the first time and who never lets you try anything new on the same day as discussing it.

Somehow, the fact that he's too into this to go through his usual bullshit only makes it hotter.

When you finally get back to the kitchen, Dirk is pouring balsamic on the salad with a bit more intensity than the activity warrants and Hal is sitting on the bench. You're still wracking your brain for small talk topics when there's a knock on the door.

'I'll get it, shall I?' Hal says, sliding off the bench, swaying his hips in an overly exaggerated way as he walks out of the room. You at least _try_ to not look at his ass.

Dirk crowds you against the bench as he kisses you again. You kiss him back as enthusiastically as you can, trying to communicate that you're okay with all this. Maybe even a little bit too okay with all this.

'The party got more fun while I was out,' Bro remarks from the doorway, and Dirk pulls away from you to give him a flat look. Bro holds out the plastic bag to Dirk, who takes it. You tug your hoodie down, hoping that it's still covering you.

Hal hops back onto the bench next to you. Bro smirks at you as he stands in front of Hal, almost like he's providing a buffer. You smile at him gratefully. Hal puts his forearms on Bro's head and rests his chin on them. You've never seen brothers who are so comfortable with touching each other. You're trying very hard not to imagine which one of them would take it from the other _(Hal, it would absolutely be Hal)_ but it's hard when they're like this.

The atmosphere is tense as Dirk cooks and you all watch him. He cooks Bro’s and Hal's steaks even less than he does his own, which is saying something. As he turns back to the grill, he subtly slips his fingers in his pocket for a fraction of a second, and you feel the vibrations inside you intensify.

Bro looks at you curiously when you stiffen, but you think you do pretty well at keeping still and quiet.

'Should I even attempt to serve you salad?' Dirk says.

'Nope,' Bro replies cheerfully, taking his plate.

Hal isn't put off at all by his quick movement away, he just takes his offered plate as well, before sitting opposite Bro. Huh. _Someone's_ played tic tac toe before. It doesn't matter which seat you choose, you'll be in between the two of them. That's fine. Good, even! Getting to know them is a good thing!

So you might scooch a bit closer to Bro's side of the table than you could. That's just how you sit! Everything is fine.

And then somehow disguising it in the middle of pulling his seat in, Dirk turns your vibrator up again.

You are really impressed with yourself that you don't make a noise. You breathing might not be entirely steady, but that's not anything anyone would notice. It is getting to the point where you think you can hear the buzz even through your clothes, but that might just be paranoia. And if anyone's going to hear it, it's going to be you. Seeing as your ears are closest to it.

It makes it hard to eat. You're just really not focused on your food. You're trying to be, you're trying to eat at a normal pace and comment at the appropriate times during dinner conversation, but it's hard.

It's made a lot harder by the way that Dirk keeps staring at you. Like he would happily take you right here on the table no matter who was in the room, he's just holding himself back because he likes the build up.

'So, are you gonna be a bitch about this or what?' Bro asks, turning to Dirk.

Dirk drags his eyes off you and looks at his brother instead.

'I think I am, yeah,' he says.

'You can take him, Bro,' Hal says.

'Right, and while I'm doing that you get all the fun?' Bro says. 'You're not as clever as you think you are.'

Hal laughs.

'Hey, can I do the dishes?' he says. 'I feel like playing human.'

'You guys should eat something that isn't take-away once in a while,' Dirk says.

Bro grins.

'I'll help. Maybe Dirk'll let us have dessert if we're good.'

Dirk smirks at him and hands him his plate.

'Fair enough,' he says. 'Hey, Hal, can you figure out what this does for me? John and I'll go pick a movie or something.'

With that, Dirk throws the remote to Hal, who catches it and examines it closely. You widen your eyes at Dirk in alarm, but he just pulls you out of the room and towards the lounge.

The second you leave the room, the vibrator goes from level three to level 10 as if the first thing Hal did was turn the dial all the way up. Dirk catches you when you all but collapse and looks at you hungrily.

'What the fuck, Dirk?' you whisper.

'I know,' he says, stroking your hair. 'Super fucked up of me. I've got you.'

You go to protest that that is not your problem, but then he's picking you up bridal style and taking you to the couch. He sits you down carefully and you can't help but grab his wrist when he goes to pull away.

'I gotta pick a movie, John,' he says.

'You really don't,' you groan.

He lets you pull him back in until he's on the couch with you, kneeling in between your legs. You can't think past the vibration, which is loud as fuck now and driving you insane.

'They'll know something's up,' he warns, leaning down to kiss your neck.

'What'll they _do_ if they know something's up?' you say. Your voice comes out in a pant.

His hand moves up your leg and around to cup you through your jeans. You grind against it desperately.

'Do you want to find out?' Dirk asks.

The vibrations inside you ease down a whole bunch as Hal presumably fiddles with the remote from the other room. Knowing that he's responsible for the feeling is filling you with a nervous energy. Remembering the looks he's given you and the flirting only makes it better.

You arch your back so that you can thrust into Dirk's hand, not particularly caring how it looks, just wanting the friction even through the layer of cotton and denim.

'I'd look after you, John,' Dirk says. 'I wouldn't let them hurt you. They don't want to hurt you either, not really. They just want you.'

You feel a dull swoop in your stomach hearing that. Is he suggesting that all three of them would be with you? You don't even know how the logistics of that would work. You want to get off so bad, and the scenario Dirk is hinting at is only making it worse. You're not thinking straight, you _can't_ think properly.

'John,' Dirk says urgently. 'You've gotta tell me. I can get you out of here if you tell me to but I don't think I can stop them both if they see you like this. I'd just ... keep them gentle.'

'Please,' you whine.

'Please what,' Dirk says.

'Fuck me!' you whisper.

Dirk's fingers fumble at the button of your jeans and then practically rip through the zipper. You groan when he pulls your dick out of your underwear and pumps it.

'Holy shit, John,' he breathes. Yeah, you're kind of ridiculously hard.

'Dirk,' you say. 'God, fuck, _Hal_.'

'I'll answer to God or Hal,' you hear Hal say.

Dirk snaps his head up to look over the couch.

'He's mine first,' Dirk says, his voice possessive and low.

'Interesting ...' Hal says.

You whine and arch your back as the vibration slams higher again. Dirk leans down to kiss you and you suck on his tongue as if that will give you some relief. His hands skate up your chest to play with your nipples and you groan.

'Please,' you say again.

'I got you,' he says.

He kisses your jaw before sitting up so he can pull your pants down. You can't even move due to the feeling of vibration inside you, it's overwhelming. He pulls your hoodie and shirt off as well, taking your glasses with them.

You don't even care, you just want him to fuck you, you've wanted this for hours, you just want him.

'I admit, I see the appeal,' Hal says. His voice is right beside you now and when you open your eyes you see that he's kneeling on the carpet next to your head. He licks his lips when you look at him.

'Just a nibble?' Hal asks, looking up to Dirk.

'Mine,' Dirk says firmly.

He arranges your leg over the end of the couch while Hal pouts, fiddling with the remote in his hand.

'Hal,' you beg. 'Turn it down.'

He looks at you innocently.

'Why on earth would I do that?' he says.

You groan when Dirk starts pulling on the plug. It's been in longer than you've ever had one in before, and it's still vibrating at a ridiculously high level. The contrast between the dull sensitivity on your insides to the explosion of feeling when it presses on your rim makes you groan and squirm, even though you know you should be relaxing.

When Dirk finally eases the widest part past you, you think it's going to be over, but no, he slowly fucks the toy in and out of you. You're getting really loud, but you can't help it, it's too much and you want more at the same time, you don't even feel _human_ in the face of this.

Finally, he stops torturing you and takes the toy away. You sigh with relief and look up at him, because he's stopped touching you. It's so he can shove his jeans down. You guess that's a pretty good reason.

'Hal, lube,' he says.

'I'm not your errand boy,' Hal says.

'I got ya.'

Bro's in the room now too. He throws a tube of lube at Dirk and he catches it. It's harder to see expressions from this far away without your glasses, but based on the way he's taking off his shirt too, he's okay with all of this.

He touches your calf and Dirk doesn't stop him like he stopped Hal.

'I'm letting you go first,' Bro says, his voice low and dangerous.

Dirk nods.

Oh shit, have you completely missed who the real threat is?

Bro rubs your calf gently with one hand while Dirk slicks himself up. It becomes a lot less distracting when you feel the head of Dirk's dick pressing against you.

He's big, you always forget how big he really is until you do this or you try and deep throat him, but with all the teasing and build up you've gone through, there's barely any resistance. The low ache just feels satisfying, and you wish he'd hurry, wish he'd fuck you properly already.

When he finally buries himself in you properly, he looks so gorgeous. His blond hair is falling against his face, his chest is rising and falling dramatically with his breathing and he has this expression of intensity that you can't look away from.

At least until you feel a sharp pain on your leg and you look up to see that Bro is biting you.

'You couldn't wait?' Dirk says, his voice a little breathless.

Bro doesn't answer, too busy sucking on the bite mark he just gave you. Hal whines next to your head, his fingers just brushing against your neck.

'Fine,' Dirk sighs.

He starts pulling out of you, so slowly. Hal pulls your chin towards you and kisses your mouth roughly. You reach up to touch his hair and he slams your hand to the couch. You don't move it again when he releases it.

He nips you lightly on the lower lip before pushing your chin up and away. He's treating you like a doll, and it shouldn't be hot but it is. He licks a wet stripe onto your neck before biting down, much harder than you were expecting.

You whimper, but don't dare move. He sucks on the bite much like Bro still is on your thigh, and the combined feelings from all three of them are completely mind-melting.

Dirk pauses and applies yet more lube before pressing into you again. Bro stops sucking on your leg in favour of licking at what must be a truly impressive hickey by now. It's soothing and kind of hurts at the same time, like when you press down on a bruise. You're feeling too floaty with arousal to really care too much about the small pain.

'How much can he give,' Bro says, stroking up and down your leg almost in contrast to the slow thrusts that Dirk is doing.

'I don't know,' Dirk grunts. 'He's my boyfriend, not my blood bag.'

Hal releases your neck. When you chance looking at him, you see there's blood on his chin. From you? Your thinking is all sluggish ...

'You mean you haven't tasted him yet?' Hal says gleefully. 'Fuck, that makes it so much better.'

You catch Hal's cheek with your hand and pull him down to your face so you can lick the blood from his chin. It just seems like the right thing to do. Dirk's measured thrusts stutter inside you and then start again, harder and faster.

Hal shifts his face so that he can kiss you properly and you taste blood on his tongue as well. It's salty and almost makes you want to sneeze; you feel the taste right at the top of your mouth, but it's not unpleasant. It's more than worth it for the way he's kissing you.

'Fuck,' Dirk gasps above you.

Hal pulls away to look and you see that Bro is pressed up against him, throwing away Dirk's shirt with one hand and already pinching his nipples with the other. Hal turns slightly so he can watch, kissing you on the top of your shoulder and tracing light patterns on your stomach.

Bro bites Dirk on the shoulder, drawing blood a lot easier than he should be able to, and then shifts so he can lick at his nipple, ignoring the beads of blood slowly dripping down Dirk's arm. The red looks good against his pale skin and you find yourself wanting to lick it up like you did for Hal. Not even to clean it away, just because it pings some primal urge you didn't realise you had.

You arch your back out of frustration. It's the only movement you feel capable of, you're all warm and languid, almost sleepy. Dirk's speeding up inside you, each thrust at an almost frantic pace, but you're almost detached from it. When Bro's hand drifts from Dirk's chest to your dick, you groan happily and feel yourself clench around Dirk, but it's nowhere near as impacting as it was when you first started.

Bro snaps his fingers in front of your face and you jump a little before looking at him.

'I'm gonna let Dirk come,' he says. The conviction in his voice that Dirk wouldn't be able to without his permission gives you shivers. 'If I let you come as well are you gonna be good and let me go next, or do you need to wait until we're all done.'

'Straight away?' you gasp.

Bro nods.

'That's the idea, fuck you right through your softness until you're hard again. Or you can come last. I'm not hangin' 'round til you get over sensitivity.'

Hal chuckles against your skin.

'You got more than one bullet in the barrel, don't you, human?'

'He's got a name,' Dirk says, but his voice is weak and breathless and Hal ignores him.

'I can go twice,' you say. You're pretty sure, anyway. It's been a while since you and Dirk felt the need to force yourself through back-to-back orgasms.

'Can you go three times?' Bro asks. You have no idea, you think your face might reflect that. 'Fuck it, we'll just knock you out if you're getting whiny.'

His hand, which was resting lightly on your dick, starts to pump you, hard and fast. Dirk's fingers tighten on your hips as he speeds up to match the pace. You grip the couch and groan desperately, squeezing your eyes shut. Hal laughs again and you feel him pinch at your nipples. You're so fucking close, but you're still not coming, you feel like you're going to die with all of this energy inside you.

Bro snaps his fingers in front of you again, his other hand not slowing even a bit on your dick, and you struggle to open your eyes and look at him again.

'Come for me, John,' he says.

Something inside of you lets go and all of a sudden all the sensation that was bubbling underneath your skin rushes to the surface. You scream as you come, and your voice sounds nothing like it usually does. You’re completely undone. Faintly, you hear Bro telling Dirk to come as well and his own low groan as he pushes himself as deep inside you as he can get.

Dirk falls on top of you with as much gentleness as can be expected, and you hug him tight.

'Enough,' Bro says. 'I'm not fucking Hal while I wait for you two to be done cuddling.'

Hal makes an offended noise next to you as Dirk plants his hands next to your chest and pushes himself up. He eases out of you slowly, but the emptiness still feels sudden and kinda gross.

Bro pushes Dirk out of the way and he falls onto the floor, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the coffee table.

'Bet you're regretting ever leaving us, huh?' Hal says as he pulls Dirk up next to him.

'No kidding,' Dirk says.

He's smiling despite the sarcasm, leaning on his brother as if he's exhausted. You have no idea how long he was fucking you, but his stamina is usually pretty good. Why is your sense of time so fucked at the moment?

A slap on your ass demands your attention and you look up at where Bro is now in Dirk's place, fully naked now and looking down at you.

'You're gonna wanna get on your knees, kid,' he says.

You do as he says, kneeling and then sitting on your heels so that you can kiss at his wow ripped abs and grab at his ass. He's tall, so with him kneeling upright and you slouching a bit you can fit your mouth around his dick easily.

'Oh,' Bro says. 'Shit, that wasn't what I was going for but when you're right you're fucking right.'

You hum in vague agreement with whatever he's talking about and bob up and down on his dick, feeling it stretch your mouth open, tasting that addictive skin flavour on your tongue.

At first you think he's about the same size as Dirk, but then you feel him swell impossibly bigger. You relax as much as you can, knowing from experience that it's easier that way. You're feeling very blissed out, so it's not hard. It's probably from the orgasm. You can feel your come sliding down your chest, but you can't bring yourself to care.

His hand comes to rest on the back of your head and you moan with satisfaction as he encourages you deeper. It's easier to go with what he wants, to be used without thinking about it.

He shifts you both so the angle is easier on you and then he's fucking into your throat. You moan again and his breath hitches above you.

He's guiding your head and moving his hips at the same time. You can't get anywhere near his full length in you, you've never even managed on Dirk and he feels like he goes on forever, but it's still a lot. You close your eyes and rely on him to move you. You're just so woozy ...

His hand tightens in your hair and pulls you off. You lick your lips and look up at him for guidance.

'Good boy,' he tells you. You smile almost automatically.

'Now turn around for me, let me at that ass of yours.'

You blush as you realise that's what he meant by asking you to get on your knees in the first place. You turn around and lean on your forearms, spreading your legs for him. You feel embarrassed by the vulnerable position, but somehow in this state it just adds an extra edge.

Bro slaps you on the ass again and then squeezes you indulgently.

'God damn,' he says. 'Our whole vein is so lacking in the ass department.'

'What the fuck is a vein, Bro?' Dirk asks.

You turn your head so you can look at him. His head is in Hal's lap and Hal is stroking his hair slowly.

'Coven was too witchy,' he says. 'I ain't a fuckin' witch.'

Dirk snorts and looks at you. He reaches out his hand and you thread your fingers together. It's nice. Grounding. Good boyfriend.

Bro spreads your cheeks and you feel him give you a slippery finger, just teasing at your rim. It doesn't feel like it's giving as much resistance as it should be. But considering how big his dick felt in your mouth, that might not be a bad thing. He doesn't play with you for long. It feels like no time at all before he's replacing his fingers with his dick.

You groan as he pushes inside you. He's so big. You spread your legs wider, trying to get a better angle. There's not much you can do. You just have to take it.

He fucks you in a similar way to Dirk, easing in first and then slowly working his way to a faster pace. He isn't quite as gentle, but it's still such a familiar feel that you find yourself thinking that Dirk might have learned from Bro. It's an easy leap to make, considering Hal's now bending down to kiss Dirk with the same easy intimacy from before.

Hal bites at Dirk's lips enough to make Dirk press his fingers to them and recoil. Hal glares at you for a moment before looking up at Bro.

'Are you gonna fuck him all night?' Hal asks.

'If I've a mind to,' Bro says, barely out of breath.

Hal's eyes narrow and he shoves Dirk's head off his lap. You meet Dirk's eyes to check that he's okay and he smiles and rolls his eyes good-naturedly at Hal, who is climbing to his feet and onto the couch in front of you. You shift your arms so he can sit how he wants, but there's really not much room.

He continues to shuffle down, until you understand exactly what he's going for. You rest your arms on his hips and he helpfully lifts his dick to feed it into your mouth. He's smaller than the other two, and not completely hard yet. You suck at the tip of him eagerly, enjoying the distraction from the almost methodical pounding that Bro is giving you.

Dirk leans into you and strokes his hand along your shoulders as you take Hal deeper. It feels amazing to have something so comforting happening and you arch your back to lean into him without taking your mouth away from Hal.

'You're so good,' Dirk murmurs, leaning into your ear.

He kisses your cheek even though it feels full of Hal's dick, and you'd laugh if you weren't otherwise occupied.

'You're a dork,' Hal tells Dirk.

'Shut up,' Dirk says. 'Like you've never wanted to kiss a dick someone else is sucking.'

Hal laughs breathily.

'Hey, come here,' he says.

Dirk strokes your hair soothingly before he moves up to kiss Hal, fingers still resting on your head.

You hear the two of them kissing above you and devote yourself to sucking Hal properly. You're struggling to focus, but you're good at this, you can do it. You let the motion of Bro's thrust push you forward, taking him deeper and deeper into your throat. Hal's hand grabs at your hair and pulls.

The kissing noises die out, but you don't worry about that. You chase every noise that you can get out of Hal, learning that he likes to be surprised, swapping between fast and messy and slow and rough and barely there.

There's the unmistakable feeling of Dirk kissing your head before you hear him moving away again. You look up to find Hal staring at you and you make your next descent onto his dick as messy as possible, keeping eye contact. His fingers loosen in your hair and stroke encouragingly.

You can't look to see where Dirk's going, but you don't mind too much. Everything feels hazy and good. Hal has started to thrust into your mouth so you don't have to think about what you're doing anymore, and the rhythm he has with Bro is just wonderful. You close your eyes and relax a bit more. The only tension you feel is in your arms and legs, keeping you upright.

Then Bro grabs your ass harshly and swears.

'The fuck, Dirk?' he says.

'Would you rather I just stuck my dick in?' Dirk asks.

Hal stops thrusting into your mouth as he laughs. It feels very weird. He reaches around you and you hear the sound of a high-five.

'You really wanna piss me off?' Bro says.

'Since when does getting fucked piss you off?' Dirk asks.

You feel Dirk's hand join Bro's on your hip and then Bro starts to thrust into you again.

'Dirk,' Hal whines. 'I can't see.'

Bro huffs out a laugh behind you.

'Needy shit,' he says. 'He's being lazy.'

'You're already moving,' Dirk says. 'I could interrupt that or I could just let you fuck yourself on my fingers. What, do you want me to be clever?'

As soon as he stops talking, Bro stops moving and groans lowly. Hal's fingers tighten in your hair and he glances down at you.

'Yeah, I'm gonna need to get in on whatever the fuck Dirk's doing to Bro,' he says. 'Can you finger me from that angle?'

'Christ, Hal,' Dirk says. 'You _are_ needy.'

'I literally couldn't care less,' Hal says. 'Human. Fingers. Ass.' He tugs on your hair a bit. 'Bro, let up the hypnosis a bit, he's gone stupid.'

You grumble a complaint against him. You're not stupid, you just can't talk with your mouth full of dick. You think that's pretty reasonable, actually!

Though you don't remember anyone hypnotising you. So ...

You push up on your arms and pull off him. He makes an annoyed sound.

'Put your legs over my shoulders,' you tell him. 'And pass the lube.'

Hal narrows his eyes like he doesn't want to do even the most basic things that will help you do what he wants you to do. He has some real problems with authority! You pinch him on the sensitive skin on the back of his thigh and he jumps a little.

'Fine,' Hal says. He rearranges himself and then raises his eyebrow at you like he's been majorly inconvenienced and he's waiting for you to make it up to him. You smother your grin by kissing him on the thigh and take the offered lube. It's really quite awkward to try and navigate this, but at least Bro hasn't started moving again yet.

You spread Hal's cheeks open and wait, thinking. His bitchiness is making you want to rise to the challenge, so you look up at him to make sure he can see your evil smile before bending down and licking him from his hole to his balls.

' _Yes_ ,' Hal says, leaning backwards over the arm of the couch.

You lick him again, fast and light and sloppy. Hal grips his own hair in his hands as he squirms under you. You're impressed that you've found someone who likes rimjobs more than Dirk. Of course, with Dirk you need to him tie up so he'll let you. He gets too in his head about his vulnerability unless you take away his choice. Hal doesn't seem to have that problem.

You linger on his hole, flicking your tongue around it before pressing your face in as deep as you can so you can suck him. Hal lets out a very high pitched whine and bucks against your mouth. You stop caring that your right fingers are wet with lube and grab him with both hands to keep him still.

'Fuck,' Hal groans. 'Come on, fucker, more.'

'Really upholding the Strider brand here, Hal,' Bro says sarcastically.

'Fuck you,' Hal gasps. 'Find me a Strider who doesn't fucking love getting eaten out and I'll show you a liar or a virgin. _Fuck_. This is why we keep humans around, teeth fucking suck.'

You poke your tongue inside him and wiggle it. Hal makes a sobbing noise.

Bro starts to thrust against you again and you hum happily. Hal grips your hair and holds you steadily.

'Don't you _dare_ stop,' he hisses.

You start to fuck him with your tongue, flicking it on his rim every few thrusts and sucking every so often. Hal grinds against you in a way that makes you feel like he can't quite help himself.

Bro buries himself deep inside you and for a moment you think that he's finished, but then he starts again, just with smaller movements. He shifts his legs apart wider and pulls you back onto him more securely. Hal growls when your face is moved too.

'Just let him fuck you already,' Dirk says.

Hal lets go of your head, but you keep licking at him until he pulls you up by the hair. You don't know why you like him dragging you around so much, but you do.

'This has got to be the stupidest position we've ever tried,' Hal says. 'Everything we do gets a billion percent more stupid when you or Dave gets involved.'

'Get under the human, Hal,' Bro says.

Kinda weird how Bro is picking up on Hal's creepy nickname for you. Kinda weird how that's not enough to stop you from pushing yourself up to let him wriggle underneath you. After a brief pause while you slick yourself up, you are pushing your dick against his hole. He adjusts his legs several times, clearly not satisfied, before you grab them and push them so his ankles are resting on your shoulders, nearly bending him in half.

'Nice,' Bro says. He leans down over you, pressing your body against Hal and forcing him to stretch even more.

Hal groans, but there's barely any resistance in his legs. He's very flexible.

Bro eases off into a less strenuous position and rocks into you again. It drives you deliciously deeper into Hal. You absolutely wouldn't be able to do this on purpose or if his dick wasn't so big. As it is, you relax into the movement and focus on how it feels. Hal is tight and hot around you and the change of angle from Bro feels amazing.

'Bro,' Dirk moans. 'Would you let this end already?'

Bro digs his fingers into your hips so hard that it hurts and starts fucking you in earnest. It's so distracting that you barely notice Hal gasp underneath you.

'John, come for me,' he says.

Before he spoke, you thought that you were in the moment, feeling every amazing movement between Bro and Hal. But once he commands you to come, you're overwhelmed with sensation and what felt like a sustainable rhythm suddenly feels like too much, so good, and you're coming with a strangled cry that you don't even bother to pretty up.

Bro continues to pound into you through your orgasm and then even after that. You whine at the overstimulation and he grabs you by throat to keep you still. He uses you until he comes with a grunt. He pulls out way too fast and then grabs you around the middle to heft you off the couch with him.

'Happy?' Bro asks.

Your toes are just barely touching the ground. He steps backwards and then falls into the other couch, pulling you into his lap.

'What the actual fuck?' Dirk says.

He's kneeling on the very edge of the couch, leaning on the back and panting slightly. His dick is shiny with lube and he looks supremely pissed about being interrupted.

'Yeah, you don't live with him,' Hal says. He slides even deeper into the couch cushions, spreading his legs. His belly is messy with your come. 'Miss me?'

Dirk smirks at Hal and drops down so that he fits in between Hal's legs.

'No,' he says.

'Liar.'

Hal grabs Dirk by the back of the neck and pulls him down for a bruising kiss. Dirk seems to melt into his body until they're touching at almost every possible point. They kiss messily and with far more teeth than seems wise, until Dirk shoves Hal's face to the side and bites down on his exposed neck.

' _Fuck_!' Hal swears.

He hooks his legs even more securely around Dirk's waist and then twists viciously. They both fall off the couch and onto the floor. Hal's neck is bloody where Dirk bit him, but he doesn't seem to care. They scratch at each other, raising red lines on each other's pale skin. You're kind of shocked by how Dirk is acting. He's always so controlled, but now he's almost rabid, fighting Hal like an animal.

'I fucking hate you,' Dirk hisses.

Hal groans and grinds his hips into Dirk's. He's ended up on top, pinning Dirk's hands to the ground.

'I hate you too,' Hal says.

How the fuck did he make that sound romantic? Hal shoves both of Dirk's wrists into one of his hands so he can reach underneath him to hold Dirk's dick up and then sinks onto it.

'Hal,' Dirk groans. ' _Hal_ , fuck.'

Hal grinds against him with an almost scary intensity. From your position on the couch you can see how Dirk's cock disappears into Hal's ass with every frantic jolt. Dirk doesn't even seem to be fighting against Hal's grip on his wrists anymore.

Bro pulls you closer to his chest and picks up your wrist. He bites it with a lazy intensity and then sucks. A small part of you is incredulous at the rest of you for deciding that this kind of thing isn't noteworthy and turning back to Hal and Dirk, but it shuts up pretty quickly. It's much better to look at your boyfriend being ridden like a roller-coaster than to think about stuff that might make you panic. You don't want to spoil your own mood.

Bro drops your wrist and adjusts you on his lap. You're not a small guy, but he moves you around like your limbs don't weigh anything. You relax into his passive cuddle, resting your forehead against his chin. He strokes you on the back, gentle in comparison to the rest of his efficient movements. You can feel the calluses on his palms for the first time.

Hal seems to be slowing down, which is fair enough, really. Dirk groans with frustration and pulls him down so that their chests are touching again before rolling them over. Hal goes with it, spreading his legs and planting his feet so he can control the angle. Dirk's fingers dent Hal's skin where they grip his hips and he fucks into him with short, quick thrusts.

' _Please_ , Bro,' Hal moans.

'You wanna tell 'em when they can come?' Bro asks, pressing a rough kiss to your forehead so you know he's talking to you.

You don't know if Bro has somehow conditioned Hal into this level of obedience or if it's related to the hypnosis Hal mentioned earlier. That small part of your brain that keeps jabbering at you about totally boring things is definitely paying attention to it. You'd much rather do the fun thing and see the boys come at your command.

You nod and Bro gives you another forehead kiss. You can feel the scrape of stubble against your skin when he does that.

Dirk is sweating with the effort he's putting in. He meets your eyes and you watch him with detachment as his movements lose the clean efficiency he usually has. Hal's dick is bouncing obscenely between them. You really like how you can see everything.

'Come,' you say.

Hal moans loudly when he obeys and you like watching him make a mess of himself. Dirk's noise is more of a muted sob, and he collapses onto Hal as soon as his limbs relax from the stiffness of orgasm. When Hal brings his hand up to rest on Dirk's head, the movements look heavy.

'Alright, take this,' Bro says, pushing you off his lap.

You stand unsteadily, not quite sure why you feel so weak. Sure, it's been an eventful however long it's been, but you feel _wrecked_. Dirk rolls off Hal and onto his back. He holds out his arm for you.

You sink to your knees and then fall onto his chest. Hal scoots closer to Dirk and mirrors your position. He looks at you with unguarded curiosity. You're not quite sure why.

'Get out of our heads, Bro,' Dirk says. 'And stop pretending you're too tough to cuddle.'

'You don't want me to do that just yet, kid. I ain't about cleaning up after freaked out humans. I'll leave when we leave.'

'I like it when they freak out,' Hal says. He's still maintaining eye contact with you. It barely scares you now.

Dirk strokes your hair and you close your eyes.

'You should come with us,' Hal says. 'Leave him or bring him, I don't care. He's fun enough that the others wouldn't mind.'

'I actually like my life, you know. I have a job. I'm contributing something to society.'

Hal scoffs.

'Yeah, you know what, D would understand. Don't think I'm not reading shit as to why it was you two that came.'

'Maybe we just love you the best,' Hal says.

'Thought you hated me.'

'That's literally exactly what I just said.'

Dirk's chest moves under your face and you open your eyes enough to see him kiss Hal. You close them again. You're too tired to care about much of anything.

'What's Bro doing?' Dirk asks.

'Probably looking through your shit. Why?'

'Can't feel him as strong. He's not ditching you, is he?'

'Yeah, that's not gonna happen. I'm entrenched in this bitch. It's just you and me under him now, he's not giving up this shit.'

You open your eyes again to see Hal wiggling his fingers as if to reference something. You're not feeling as tired as before, which is weird. You've heard everything they've said, it's not like you've had a power nap. Hal isn't looking at you anymore, he's resting more on Dirk's bicep so that they can look at each other. You stare at the small scratches on Hal's neck. You're pretty sure they're from Dirk.

He's never been that rough on you, not even tonight. He held himself back at least a bit. Except they were all rougher on you than you think they should have been. Hmm.

You're aching all over. You look at your wrist where Bro bit you. It's already bruised, the red spots where his teeth bit in standing out in a deeper, bloodier red than the rest of the circle. For some reason, looking at it is making your eyes water. You stop. You look at Dirk's chest instead, turning your hand over to stroke gently.

He turns his head to look at you.

'Hey,' he says. 'How are you going?'

You make an uncertain noise. Hal gives a harsh chuckle.

 _'That's_ not what a hypnotised human sounds like.'

Oh... _kay_ . Your heart is beating rather fast. You think ... everything is still okay? You bury your face into Dirk's side and inhale deeply. He smells like _Dirk_ , it's something that you guess has hints of his shower gel and deodorant, but it's mostly just _him_. It usually makes you feel a lot better. It doesn't seem to be helping now.

Dirk shrugs Hal off his arm and drags you upright, pulling you closer.

'Hey, John, what's going on, what's happening?'

You have no idea how to respond. You don't know what you're feeling. You're ... well, you guess you're freaking the fuck out. You had sex with Dirk's brothers. They bit you and talked about you like you were a thing, you're hurting and you don't feel safe at all.

'I ...' you start. You don't know what to say. 'Dirk, why?'

He pulls you so close that you can barely breathe.

'I'm so sorry,' he whispers. 'He's in my head. He can't help it, really.'

'Even if he could, he wouldn't,' Hal says. ‘He likes you feral.’

You keep your eyes wide open even as you're pressed to Dirk's chest. You don't want to be sleepy anymore.

'We're ... I'm a vampire, John. Or close enough. We feed on blood and sex and life. I've barely taken anything from you before tonight, I couldn't ... I wanted to be better.'

Hal stretches his arms above his head, looking to you as if expecting a reaction.

'You're not doing this right,' he says. 'Do you have a bath?'

You give a broken giggle. Of course you have a bath. Dirk's practically half fish he spends that much time in it. Is that a vampire thing? Oh god. How do you know what parts of him are Dirk and what parts are vampire? You feel like you don't know him at all suddenly.

Dirk wraps one arm around your shoulder and hooks the other under your knees. There's a brief pause while he gathers his strength and then he lurches to his feet, holding you close to his chest.

'An intelligent man might run the bath before dropping his ... boyfriend into it.'

'Just get the door, Hal,' Dirk sighs.

You're taken into the bathroom and then Dirk hesitates looking at the bath. Yeah, you're not a toddler. It's not like it's an easy task to lower someone into a bath. You squirm a little and he lets you stand.

You're still feeling woozy, even if your head feels clearer. You lean on him while Hal turns on the taps and finds the plug.

'Dirk ...' you say.

'I've got you,' he says, stroking your hair back. 'I'm really sorry.'

'I feel weird ...'

Dirk looks at Hal, his eyes narrowing with suspicion. Hal holds his hands up, water dripping down to his elbows.

'I just had a taste!' he says. 'His sex energy was enough and it wasn't like we knew we'd be feeding tonight. We ate on the way.'

Dirk sighs and kisses you gently on the neck. It hurts even though he barely touches you.

'Bro ...' he says.

'Yeah, probably,' Hal says.

'John,' Hal says. 'Do you want me to fuck off for a bit? 'Cause I'd kinda like to get in on this bath action, but I can cope. Bro raised us to be okay with a certain amount of grossness.'

You frown as you think. You were actually quite afraid of Hal before. You don't know why you're less afraid of him now that you know he's a vampire. It's like the mystery has been taken away, and you're getting this vibe of reluctant goodness from him. It's like he really wants to be a creepy vampire dude like Bro is, but instead he's just got superficial creepiness.

'You can stay,' you say quietly. You feel Dirk relax against you. 'Are you guys really brothers?' you ask.

Dirk and Hal look at each other as if that's a harder question than it really is.

'More than,' Dirk settles for.

You're too tired to press them to elaborate. Your legs are tired even with Dirk supporting all of your weight. You step towards the bath and Dirk helps you get in.

'You wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon?' Hal asks.

You spread your legs and arms and he smiles before climbing in.

Dirk kneels at the edge of the bath.

'Do you mind if I bite you just a little, love? I want to get a feel for your blood pressure. I think Bro might have taken a bit much.'

You nod and hand him your wrist. You really think you should be freaking out a whole bunch more than you are. But it's hard to find that balance between fainting from panicking and _this is fine_ style denial. At least you still believe that Dirk loves you. Maybe that's naive of you.

Dirk kisses your pulse point and then the ugly bruise where Bro bit you and then another spot about an inch further up your arm before biting you there. Now that you're looking properly, his teeth look sharper and scarier than they did before. He doesn't suck, he just holds his mouth over the bite and then licks it clean. There are puncture wounds like Bro's mark, but they aren't anywhere near as bad.

'Is that the first time you've drunk my blood?' you ask quietly.

Dirk nods.

'I wanted ... You're not an easy source of food to me. You're my partner.'

Hal laughs and leans against your knee.

'He can be both, you over-dramatic tool. We need less blood than regular donors give. You know our girl is still going strong after two decades of this shit with zero bad side effects?'

You close your eyes and lean against the wall. Hal and Dirk keep talking.

'Rose is the exception to literally every rule,' Dirk says.

'What, you don't think John can supplement the blood with other energies too?'

'I think I need to kick Bro's ass for taking so much from him.'

The only sound for a while is the gentle slosh of water as Hal cleans himself. You feel him moving, but after peeking to make sure that he wasn't doing anything weird, you don't react. After a while, you hear the sound of Dirk's footsteps leaving the room. Hal moves away from you and you jump to attention when you feel him start to wipe you down with a washcloth.

' _I'm_ not sorry, for the record,' he says. You stare at him as he soaps up first one arm and then the other. If he didn't go so much gentler on your bite marks than the rest of you, you might believe him. 'I had a good time and I don't apologise for that.'

He cleans your neck and chest before raising his eyebrows at you. You take the washcloth so you can clean your junk yourself. It was nice to be pampered, but you think it's even nicer to be treated like a competent person again.

He leans back on the other side of the bath and half-heartedly grabs at the cloth with his toes. You think he probably is as uncomfortable with sincerity as Dirk is, just with a vastly different approach. Dirk has a habit of identifying his discomfort and then torturing himself by being intensely sincere to make up for his first impulse to play it cool. He used to be a lot worse, but you're an old hand at dealing with loved ones who have an irrational fear that you don't know how much you mean to them.

Speaking of which, you should probably message your dad again. You sent him a text when you landed, but he worries. Of course, just this once, that worry might be founded. You're taking a bath with a vampire. The idea of that is so ridiculous that you can't hold in a giggle.

'Are you going into shock?' Hal asks. 'Dirk!'

Dirk runs back into the bathroom, now fully dressed and his hands full of bandaids and other first aid things.

'What?' he asks.

You wave away his concern. Hal looks at you suspiciously.

'Right,' Dirk says. 'Are you guys ... done?'

You nod and climb unsteadily to your feet. Dirk drops everything in his hands to reach out and give you his arm to hold onto. You smile at him as you step out of the bath. He wraps a towel around you and checks you're steady before picking up everything he's dropped.

'Come to the bedroom, love,' he says.

You follow him, your hand on his shoulder for balance. Hell, sometimes you feel like gravity is playing with you after a bath even if you haven't suffered blood-loss and come twice in whatever amount of time it was. Dirk sits you on the bed and dabs antiseptic cream on your bite marks. Even the light pressure hurts. He covers each bruised circle with cotton wool and then bandages it. They don't even really look like how you expect bites to look; they're bruised the whole way through.

He puts more cream and bandaids on scratches that you hadn't really noticed. Once he's done, he brings you pyjamas and sits next to you, resting his head on your shoulder.

'Are you okay?' he asks quietly.

'Probably?' you say.

'It's okay not to be.'

'Yeah.'

You sit in silence for a while. You hear the tap running again in the other room as if Hal is topping up the bath with more hot water. It's a familiar sound, given your boyfriend's idea of an appropriately long bath is much longer than water can stay warm for.

'I'm going to take care of some stuff,' Dirk says. 'I think you should sleep.'

You don't know if you want to sleep. You might feel okay now, but your dreams have a habit of being ... nasty. Even when you're pretty sure you're okay.

'I can help,' Dirk says gently.

You pull away to look at him. He looks concerned, but calm. You're so conflicted. You don't know that you want anyone else in your head, but you don't trust yourself in your head either.

You nod.

He smiles gently before kissing you. You're asleep before he pulls away.

*

When you wake up, you're on your back under the covers and Dirk is spooning you. Hal is on the other side of him, facing away, but so close that his back is touching Dirk’s.

You shift underneath him and he turns away, throwing his arm over Hal. You slide out of the bed and to the bathroom. They don't stir. You make your way to the bathroom to pee. You splash water on your face, looking at your reflection. You look paler than you should, with a gauze patch peeking out of your collar. Your eyes are dim and bloodshot. You're not exactly your best.

You sigh and walk to the kitchen, thirsty as all hell. You freeze in the entrance when you see Bro lying on the couch.

He winks at you, but doesn't move or say anything. Possibly due to the ball gag in his mouth.

'Um ... hi?' you say.

He raises an eyebrow at you. Which is fair enough.

You walk past him into the kitchen, side-stepping so that you don't turn your back on him. You grab a glass of water and then a second one before you admit to yourself that you're just stalling. You head back into the lounge warily.

Bro follows you with his eyes, but he still can't move. You look closer and see that his arms are bound behind his back and his ankles ... oh god, that's a spreader bar. You suppose there aren't that many ways to tie someone up and you already _owned_ one, but holy shit.

Bro watches you the whole time you take this in and you feel his eyes on the back of your neck as you go back to the bedroom.

You shake Dirk's shoulder and he wakes up immediately.

'Why is Bro tied up on the couch?' you ask shrilly.

Hal throws his pillow at you.

'Tired,' he complains.

'We had to put him _some_ where,' Dirk says.

You don't have words for this. You give Dirk your best what-the-fuck expression. He pushes his hair out of his face and sits up. Hal immediately steals his pillow and scrunches his eyes closed dramatically.

'Come sit,' Dirk says, patting the bed next to him.

'I think I'll stand!'

'Take it down a million notches, human,' Hal says into his pillow.

Dirk stands and takes your hands in his.

'I don't want to just kill him,' Dirk says.

'Why are the only two options bondage or murder!?' you screech.

'And I'd send him back to the family, but I don't trust him to actually go. And Hal can't stop him from doing whatever he wants. And ... I want Hal to stay.'

You sit on the floor. You don't particularly care that there are other seats available. You just ... sit on the floor.

'I thought we could keep him in the spare room!' Dirk says, in a falsely cheerful voice. 'I think I can design something comfortable and secure. Hal could use a more normal life and Bro's ... alright.'

'Shut _up_ ,' Hal groans. 'Just knock him out and come back to bed.'

You feel very overwhelmed by what Dirk is describing.

'Hal's right though, you should sleep more. And I'm kinda beat too. He wasn't easy to take down, even with two of us.'

'Please don't put me to sleep again,' you whisper.

Dirk drops to his knees next to you and pulls you into his arms.

'No, of course not, never without you asking. Just come lie down, you've got to be sore as hell.'

You're not one to cry. It used to worry your dad. You're not going to cry because your boyfriend said he won't use his powers on you. That would be ridiculous. You don't _want_ to, you're not sure why your body is doing this bullshit thing but you're going to blink through it and ignore it. Your throat hurts all the way down to your heart and your eyes are prickling and you can't even cry at your mom's grave, you're not crying now, you're _not_.

Dirk wipes the tears off your cheek and holds you tightly. You hug him back and bury your face into his t-shirt.

'You've been so good for me, John,' he says. His voice is quiet, just for you. 'So good. Do you remember when we started dating? I think we're both really lucky that we didn't live in the same place. I was a mess. You're so solid, so good at calling me out on my bullshit. I love you.'

You gasp some control back into your breaths. You manage to mumble something that sounds like 'I love you too,' back. Your voice sounds super weird. You don't like this at all.

'If you're ... I don't want to lose you. But I've really fucked up here. I'll keep you safe, no matter what you choose, okay?'

You frown at him, but he seems more focused on wiping away more of your tears than in reading your expressions.

'What do you mean, whatever I choose?' you croak.

He finally looks in your eyes before looking away again. This time it feels like he's avoiding you.

'I know you want to leave me,' he says. 'I don't blame you. If anything, I'd find it strange if you wanted to stay. I guess ... I just hope, you know?'

You wriggle out of his arms so it's harder for him to look away from you. It doesn't work, so you grab his chin.

'Why would I leave?' you ask.

Dirk looks at you as if he's worried you've sustained brain damage. You actually think he might start feeling your head for lumps if you don't interrupt that train of very obvious thought.

'Dirk, this is like the pony thing all over again! I'm not going to leave you just because you're weird! I already knew you were weird!'

Dirk looks a little stunned. You give him an annoyed frown and pull him in for a kiss.

'Okay, I'm done being sad about this now,' you tell him.

'You're ... done,' Dirk says doubtfully.

'Yup! I'm just not gonna think about it anymore and it'll all be fine.'

'I really need to find you a therapist,' Dirk says.

'I'll go when you go,' you say, which is a foolproof method of never having to do it.

Dirk still looks worries, so you use his shoulders to help you stand back up and then you fall into bed next to Hal. He lifts his arm up in clear invitation for you to cuddle him and put your arm under his.

You feel the mattress shift when Dirk climbs in behind you.

'I really think we should talk more,' he says.

'I really think that's why we banished you in the first place,' Hal says.

'You didn't _banish_ me!'

'That's how I remember it.'

'Shhh,' you say, before Dirk can get pulled any further into what is obvious baiting.

'I didn't get banished,' Dirk mutters into your shoulder.

'I really don't care,' you say.

You don't remember if you dreamt at all when you wake up, and even though you're achy and groggy, it makes you smile to see Dirk and Hal holding hands on your side.

**Author's Note:**

> AMAZING art lined by Rose and coloured by [G](https://twitter.com/grayvyspeaks). 
> 
> I might write a 2nd chapter of this because chained up Bro in the spare room is a _fun_ concept. I also kinda want to write it from Dirk's perspective because John is oblivious to some stuff. Thanks for reading!


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